A downloadable cosmic dread funnel

Buy Now$3.00 USD or more

I was once watching a certain beloved show about a sentient creek. When I brought it up at work, someone mocked me. I quickly shouted at them "YOU WOULDN'T LAST ONE MINUTE ON THE CREEK". This brewed in my skull for years.. Now I offer you a TROIKA! compatible version of this experience. So uh.. roll up a character with the background of choice.

  • This is a cosmic dread simulator,  that could also function as a funnel. Maybe you're playing a game and you need a duel and someone shouts "YOU WOULDN'T LAST ONE MINUTE ON THE CREEK"... ya.. now u kno what will happen.
  • You could also use it as a quick way to level up your TROIKA! characters.
  • It's also totally functional as a 1 player game.
  • let me know in the comments how many seconds you make it on the creek... maybe we'll make a leaderboard. Currently a pickup truck made it 10 seconds before taking a frisbee to the face and being sent to its doom in the creek.

Offering of Dark Space Nachoes:

“You wouldn’t last one minute on the creek” is an independent production by Orbital Intelligence, LLC and is not affiliated with the Melsonian Arts Council.

ps u could listen to Giant Squid's "Monster in the Creek" while you play it.. could be cool

ps could u design a background that could last 60 seconds on the creek?

CategoryPhysical game
Rated 4.3 out of 5 stars
(15 total ratings)
GenreRole Playing
Tagscreek, funnel, Troika


Buy Now$3.00 USD or more

In order to download this cosmic dread funnel you must purchase it at or above the minimum price of $3 USD. You will get access to the following files:

you wouldn’t last 1 minute on the creek (TROIKA).pdf 661 kB

Development log


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RIP John Plane

Press F to Pay Respects


an honorable death, In the vastness of the creek

He went home to his mother

(his mother is the creek)

(1 edit)

I don't know what this is, just that it is.

Here are some things I think I understand.

-The title is a Chiodos reference?

-It has mechanics.

-You can sort of play it like a random encounter table that you can win, although it leans heavily towards surrealism.

-I'm not sure it works as a funnel for starting adventures, because there's entries that just end the world.

Overall, this is definitely a pdf.

Minor Issues:

-On some pages the heading in the seconds column says "tota" instead of "total"


how many seconds does my submission last on the creek


all the assets i used are royalty-free, and i can adjust to any color palette you like, if my offering survives the creek

I really do love this 

I let my vector software subscription expire so i can't make any changes to it, but this image is all yours, my friend




I figured that creek’s aren’t deadly enough.   and “creek”’s are 2 deadly. 

I’d love to turn it into a spell at some point. Like a 5 stamina spell or something. “I cast ‘you wouldn’t last a minute on the creek’ on the dragon” “u sure u want to do that?” “To the creek with it” “so be it. As unto water we are unto hydrogen” 

The Creek is where the Zed spell sends you.